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Rachel
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Things are actually starting to look up. I got a call yestarday from a medical staffing agency, I have an appointment Monday morning, so I could be working by this time next week, YAY me.
I also got to hang out with a really old friend, from the first high school I went to, I found him on myspace, it was very cool. I really happy to have him back in my life |
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So, went to work today, got there around a quarter to 4 thinking that I started at 4 as always. Well, was I ever wronge. I walk in and my boss is like "there you are, you were suppost to be here at 2:30, we have covered your shifts, and since there have been attendace issuse in the past you dont have a job anymore. So know Im out of a job, my first job in my field and its going to be ten times harder for me to find a new job. Then I found out that I will most likely be moving back home, which not horrible, but between the way I found out and the fact that it really does put alot of stress on me to live at home, theres a whole lot more fun to go with this awsome day Im having.
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 depressed | |
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Well, thought I would throw something up here about Christmas and some of the other stuff that has been going on as of late. We will start before Christmas cause that is only logical or something. So, I went to game last week, and some problems that caught me off gaurd. I dont know if it was cause of the holidays, or cause it was the longst time i spent around Jim for a while, or maybe cause Dave wasnt there. But anywyas, I had to leave early cause I couldnt stand to be in the same room with Jim anymore, it was really wigging me out. I thought I was pretty well over him, but I was really missing him alot, or maybe I was missing the fact that wheather not it was love it was the closed thing I had to really feeling loved in a long time. Dont get me wronge I know Dave cares about me, and what not, but with what are relationship is definded as love really doesnt come in to play, and its really not suppost to. I dont really get it but whatever. He also thinks he owes me a date, long story, but im not sure that i want to go through with it cause im not sure he would be doing it for me, or so he could get a peace. On to the holiday. I had a pretty good one. Lets see, I got multipuls ( wink wink nudg nudg), $95 to spend at Target,a cute pair of pink pjs,a hoodie that has the intel logo on it but says " Princess Inside" rather than intel inside, and a t that says pink ladys. I used the gift cards so far for a pair of jeans, a belt, and Boonedock Saits. Still have to see Grandma next week. Oh I almost for got about the Buffy book I got. Well i think that is it. Hope everyone had a good holiday, Love you all
Current Mood: |
 good | |
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Yeah its been a few days, so I figured I would put up a post. Its been rather uneventfull. I got all of my Christmas shoping done in a matter of about a half an hour, of course I only had like 5 people to buy for, and of course my grab bag for the Yaule party. Im to poor to do much more, which sucks, I love buying things for people, but I cant afford to this year, it makes me sad. I ran over and animal with my car for the first time, it was very sad, I almost cryed. I didnt like it. So yeah, Im going to go in to such that I proubly shouldnt, but its my journal, and the person I will be talking about does not look at lj very offten, and if he did see this very well might not know I was talking about him. most of you know him, or have talked with me about him. I am not going to use any names, same guy for the past what three months sooo, it should be pretty easy to figure out. So yeah he and I have been "seeing" each other for like three months now. Nothing excluzive, just having fun, and it is very fun, and Im not complaning, but there is something happeneing that I didnt expect and Im not sure how to deal with. I am very much falling far this guy and falling hard. I know he doesnt want anything more than what we have right now, which is fine, for now. I think were the trouble is coming in is I dont know him well enough to read him to know what he really is thinking, and I dont know any of the people he may talk to about stuff like that well enough to talk to them to get an idea. I think Im fine with things right know, for now. But I do see pontional, and Im not sure he does. He talks about not wanting a relationship, and whatever. WHich I know thinks change, but I think Im playing "the game" to try and make sure that they do change. I dont know. I hate when I turn in to this cheese girl.
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 dorky | |
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So, yeah, just going great. I hurt my ankle at work last night, not that bad, but bad enough that it is bothing me. What pissed me off was the fucking nurse. Did bother to ask if I was ok, just went straight in to telling me that its all cause of my shoes, there to nig they dont have aenough tracten, I have to spend alittle money and get better shoes, yeah bitch i can barly pay my rent, but im gonna but $150 in to a pair of shoes that are gonna hurt my feet anyhow. One more day and I can relaxe till thrusday.
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 blah | |
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Feeling really shitty, and dont know what to do, anything you think might cheer me up would help. let me know i really do have friends.
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depressed | |
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So yeah, I had quite the shitty day yestarday, and it just kind of spilled in to today. I thought work was going to be out, I was out on time and all, but I did lose one of my people last night, and it hit me alittle harder that I thought it would. So when I got to Dennys to hang out with my best friend, not only was I upset, but I was also really hungry, so I was a little cranky. Well, because my best friend is just that way, he was being an ass, and just making me feel like shit about everything. Then when we went to leave and he realized he locked his keys in the car, and I was going to be nice and stay to make sure he got in and home, and he told me just to leave, and it really bothered me, hes always bitching that none of his friends really care, but whenever I do something to show I do or I worry about him he gets all pissie, os I cant win with him. Whatever. Then I slept last today, and ended up a half hour late for work, real nice. So December had a great start. So its hard to be upset when you are upset with person you always go to when your upset.
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 rejected | |
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WOW, this week has been crazy!!!! Lets see it started on Tuesday, I was at game, of course, and about 11pm I got a phone call from my sis, that my mother just got home from the ER. I guess she was leaving work and there were only like two people left in the building, and shesaw a car that she didnt know, so she was paying more attntion to the car than to walking, and she triped in something and fell and smaked her head on the cement, then drove home, with a gushing head wound,and cleaned herself up before she went downstairs to tell my sis to take her to the ER. She has nine stiches above her head. She is ok, just a little soar. Then Thursday I went to leave to to my parents for dinner and my car wouldnt start, real nice. So i gave up trying to jump it, cause it was hella cold, and i was in a short skirt, and thigh highs. Then I had to deal with my pain in the ass sis for the whole freaken day, I wanted kill her. So I just went home, and moped for a coulpe of hours, till I went to coffee with Katie, and then Dave met us, and Zach showed up, How fun for me. It wasnt to bad, but it was intresting. They are two completly differnt people, dont get along very well, and one wants to get in my pants and the other is getting in my pants, but oh well. So Dave and I left to go to my house, when we got there he was trying to see why my car wouldnt start, and between my stupidity and his forgetfullness we locked the keys in the car, and 4am in the frezzeing cold. So we drove to Cary to get a coat hanger to try and open the door, well that didnt work, so at 5am we broke down and called AAA, and Dave was my night in shinning armor for having AAA enought to get my car open for free. THE DRAGON ROCKS SOOOO HARD!!!!! Other than all the shit all is well, the car is working now, and i had a good time with the minuons last night, and now im at a hotel party for one of my oldest friends 21st, so it should be a good time.
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dorky | |
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I finally broke down and updated this, Ive also got my self a myspace, Im gonna die now. Its only cause there are people i dont see very offten that have this stuff and i want to keep in touch. Its still my old rule, for the most part, if i want you to know what is going on in my life i will tell you. i wont be posting alot of drama life stuff, cause i hate that, thats why i left in the first place.
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hungry | |
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Step One - Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your LJ. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and random-related ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want. - If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you. - Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ, or link to this post (it'll be public) so that the holiday joy will spread. Step Two - Surf around your friendslist (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part: - If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free--do it. -You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call. -There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special. 1) Friends, more than just the few people I actually get to see, and the few people I talk to online. 2) Money, to buy gifts for the people close to me, and to start paying the rents back so they can throw it in my face no more. 3) A job, hopfully the one I have the interview for next week. 4) To spend some part of the holiday with you (you know who you are) and just be, no crap, no computer, maybe just a few movies, some smokes, and a blanket to cuddle under. 5) A week straight of good days, with no tears, or "urges"
6) A new car, well not nessaserally new, but better than mine. 7)Something to do ever one in a while that gets me away from the tv and the computer, and maybe out of the house, but doesnt cost anything. 8) Piece of mind about alot of things. 9) Some extra strenghth to get through the holidays in one piece. 10) For a certen someone, that mainy of you know or know of to just go away and leave me and everyone else alone for good. Butterfly7782@yahoo.com 337 Chapparrel cir.
Elgin, Il
60120 |
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Im in a situation right now and I dont know how it deal with it, but worse than that I dont know how to feel about it. I dont like that feeling. I dont even know how I want to feel about it. Im having a issue with the fact that people see me a certen way, and thats not really how I am. People think, I dont know, because Im a female or something, that I going to react a certen way to certen things, and Im really not going to react the way they think Im going to and that bothers me, cause then things get kept from me, I really dont like that. Its like lying, the sooner I know about it the less proublems there will be. I also feel like there are certne people that are distensing them selfs from me cause they think I going to start drama, and I really not. Everything thats done is done, I dont want to think about it so why would I bring it up. All I want is to spend time with the few friends that I have, so why would I do something that might effect that. Granted there are things that are not done, and need to be taken care of, but those things I wont bring up in a group, there things that need to be delt with one one on, and I know they will be, in time, when there ready to talk about it. I always try my best not to bring other people in to my problem, yes it does happen sometime, but I do try my best not to let that happen. I want all of you that read this to know that I do care about you, and that if theres thing that I need to be told, just tell me, I proubly wont react the way you think I will, and you wont be in the kind of trouble you think you will be in, and you nkow what I do care about you so no matter what we will work it out,I want you all in ,my life no matter what, so please just tell me the truth, it wont be as bad as you think it will.
Current Mood: |
 confused | |
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Ok, so Im going to try and make this short, I know some of you dont like to read long posts. I cant say things are horrible, things arnt bad, there are just a few things Im not to happy about, but over all things are pretty good. So, Im trying to form a friendship, but its not working to well, something always seems to get in the way, its hard. I really do want to get close with this person, it kinda seems like everytime we take a step forword we end up taking to steps back, it is frustrating. Its really hard to be in the place Im in, or atleast feel Im in. By no means do I expect to always be at the top of everyones list. But it is really hard to always be at the bottom of EVERYONES list. It would be nice if there was one person that I knew would drop everything to make sure I was ok, and to hang out with me if I need it. It would be nice to be the center of someones attntion even just for a while every now and then. Just so I can get out of my room, and the house. Talk to people of my own generation, and feel special and important for a bit. I COULD REALLY USE MY SAFE PLACE EVERY NOW AND THEN TOO!!! (hint hint) As far as everything else goes Ive appled for every CNA job at the three hospitals in the area, and there is nothing in the paper. So, now its just waiting game, just like taking my test in a little less than a month, and getting to drive again in a month and a half or so. There are something that I had that Im REALLY missing right now. But I know I cant have them back, atleast not for now. IM DYING FOR A SMOKE AND TO FEEL SPECIAL TO SOMEONE!!!!!!!
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melancholy |
Current Music: |
Kelly Osborn Come Dig Me Out | |
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Here is my long awaited grade sheet from my CNA class. I got a certifact in the mail today too, which was kinda cool. Here it is:  |
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Well, everything is done for now, until august when i go to take the state test.
The class went well, I passes with an A, so that is good, and I made it through clinicals with that stupid bitch.
As far as my birthday goes, really i couldnt have asked for much more, except maybe not to have had to think that my parents for got, till i got home at about 1am, oh yeah, and sex would have been nice, seeing as im sooooo increably freaken horny its not even funny, but hey, i got to hang out with rob, and jimmy, and amanda took me out to lunch. over all it was pretty great. |
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So, Im gearing my self up for what could quite possibley be the worst birthday of my enter life. Lets see, in a family of early people here we are a week till my birthday and not one card, othere years I would have maybe two or three by this time. My father even, I bought it up, talking about when we might go out to dinner and what the hell does he say, he says " go out to dinner? for what?", for what? My 22nd freaken birthday, for what. Along with that, I find out to day, the night before I have to put in the last payment of $100, for my class, that I may not be able to pay it. After I worked so hard on this class, I may not be able to finish it cause of one payment of $100. That means all this time, and what about $340 down the drain for nothing. It really is breaking my heart that I may not be able to pay this last payment. Also, as some of you know I ask Rob to come out and spend my birthday with me so that I wouldnt be alone, and even though he has said a few times he would be here, I will not belive it till I see it. So Im still worryed that he wont be here, and Ill be left to spend an already shitty birthday all by my self.
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 worried | |
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POP QUIZ! 1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you? |
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Im not going to be melodramtic about this or anything. I just wanted to say good bye to everyone, and thanks for the many things you may have done for me over the years, and I do love you all, and hope to see you again one day, when you have finished this, just as I feel I have.
Dont feel about about this, I dont think anyone could have done anything about it, my time here is just done, I will still be with all of you in sprite, and all I ask is that you all just rember the good times, and dont worry about me being in pain, this is the end of it, and I will feel better soon.
I love you all,
and good bye |
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So, I have bacially been raised, and always been told in some form that one should always follow there heart, so what if your hear seem to tell you to differnt things. Im pretty sure anyone that does read this would already know what I was talking about, Im not that hard to figure out, besides the fact that I dont thik anyone even reads it anymore, so Im just going to say what is going on. So, Rob and I broke up, everyone knows that, well except my family, but thats a differtn story, you we broke up cause Rob needs time to figure out who he is or something. Well, this is were there torn thing comes in, see in my heart I know he proubly does need this, and it will all work out in the end, but at the sametime my heart is telling me that we should be together now, and that I can and would make him happy no matter what, and that I should do something about it, you know go after him, and get him back or whatever, but the the whole other thig comes and I feel like I couldnt do that, cause he really does need this time, and that it will be worse later if we got back together to soon. I dont know what to listen to, they are both gut feelings, and my gut feelings have been pretty right so far, but this one, its but pulling me to differnt ways, and I dont know what to do. I know one of them is proubly selfish, but I cant even figure that one out, cause wanting to be back with him now could be selfish, but at the sametime, wanting to wait so things are better later could also be kind of selfish. I just dont know, its all so confussing. Please, if anyone has any feed back please post, I need the help. PS- If I dont start getting comments Im just going to stop posting, cause when I NEVER get comments to ANYTHING I post, it seems like noone is reading this, and then really why should I post.
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 frustrated | |
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So, I was talking to my nieghbore, and he was venting about his girlfriend, and I talk about Rob a little. It seems as if, as far as girlfriends go, anyone that dates me has it pretty fucking good. He was talk about all the bull shit he has to deal with on a day to day bases from his girlfriend, and I was talking about if Rob and I were to fight about stuff it would never last more than like ten min. and Rob can tell you that too. I am not going to sit there and be made and work myself up about things while he sits there in the dark, I will tell him right away if he did something to piss me off, or whatever the situation may be, and while there my be bull shit its never everyday, it not more than normal relationship bull shit, that if it wasnt there it would really be much of a relationship.
So, I am this pretty great girlfriend, I have had other exs tell me this to, so then why do my relationahip never seem to last. Now, Im pretty sure its differnt with Rob, we did last a year, and I fully understand why he broke up qwith me and I full agree that it proubly really needed to be done, so at this point that doesnt come in to play with this whole thing. But if we were to not get back together, or if he were to just drop of the face of the earth in a couple weeks, then I would start to wonder about this more. I dont know, I guess I just havnt found the right guy yet, or I did and he just has to figure shit out before we can be together. |
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So as some of you know there are times when I can feel, for lack of a better term, neglected. All this means really is I start to feel extra extra "huggy" and "lovei", and want to cuddle, and be held and all that good stuff. Well, since I dont get much human contact anyways, and with the way Im being treated at home I am very much feeling like this. I just really want to be hugged and held, my "safe place" would be a great thing to have even for a few min. But I will continu to suffer, cause I know Im not going to see anyone anytime soon, everyones live is to busy to include little old me, which I know cant be changed, and I dont expect people to re work there lifes just to fit me in, Im not wearth that, but it doesnt feel to good.
Current Mood: |
jealous | |
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